Handling Self-Doubt

Handling Self-Doubt

Art has always been my outlet. Everytime I found a new show to get into, I would create fanart for it. If I was upset about something, I would create a piece about it. But ever since I started college, I have been drawing less and less personal artwork. Currently I am studying two degrees, one of which is studio art. The volume and speed of in-class art assignments burnt me out, so I decided to take a semester-long break from art to focus entirely on school. Every time I did feel the urge to draw, I would convince myself that I simply didn’t have the ‘time’ to follow it through. I would think to myself, “What could I even create in 10 minutes?”

As the semester came to an end, I immediately came up with a plan to improve my art skills. I believed that more free time would allow me to create to my fullest ability. I was excited. Having taken out a brand new sketchbook, I told myself, “I am going to draw every day during summer.”

Except, I didn’t do that. I only drew four times in the past three months.

Summer had arrived before I knew it, and I had no more excuses. The four times I did draw, however, I solely operated on sheer-will, causing me to burn out pretty quickly. An overwhelming surge of pressure and doubt came over me each time I opened my sketchbook. The pages of drawings became a reminder of what I could and couldn’t do. Every time I lifted my pen, I felt that little voice in the back of my head grow louder: “What’s even the point of drawing? There's plenty of better artists who’ve done way better work compared to you.” That voice kept ringing in my head the more I struggled to stay consistent with drawing. Trying to distract myself from the negative thoughts only prolonged my stagnated drawing schedule.

I realized I had Pavlov’d myself into disliking the act of creating. I stopped creating when I started to associate negative thoughts and feelings with art. Creating was no longer an expressive outlet; I became trapped by my own expectations and comparisons. It felt as though my skills couldn’t keep up with everyone else around me.

I figured something had to change. I wanted to enjoy my art process again. To recover my love for art, I focused on where the self-critical thoughts were stemming from and discussed strategies with my peers. I decided to implement positive self-talk, turn comparison into learning, and question my motivation for creating.

Start by being encouraging and understanding to yourself. Offer yourself the grace you would offer others. A practice I implemented was asking myself, “Would you say this to a close friend?” If the answer was no, I would not entertain the idea further. If the answer was yes, I would accept it as a valid thought. When the incessant thoughts of comparison and doubt creep in, I try to talk back to them and evaluate if the statement is true or constructive. For example, with the thought, “I am not improving as quickly as everyone else,” I would tell myself that I don’t actually know if that's the case because it was an assumption. The thought itself did not help me improve; it only made me feel worse. I remind myself that improvement is not linear and to try to enjoy the process without putting expectations onto myself. Although this is much easier said than done, once you begin  to build up the practice of positive self-talk, you’ll be driven to draw more.

Social media can be a great place to find fellow artists, but I often caught myself comparing my artwork to another artist's work. Instead of continuing to scroll when I found myself comparing, I would either get off of social media or I would analyze why I liked this artist’s work. Was it the color? Anatomy? Art style? Figuring out exactly what I found appealing meant that I could integrate it into my own art. If you’d like a more in-depth explanation on how to approach studying artists, check out Mogege’s article here: How to Do an Artstyle Study! Studying another artist's work can provide a tangible goal to work towards. It’s important to separate the ideas of appreciating and comparing.

Another habit I strengthened was reevaluating my goals and reminding myself why I wanted to make art. Part of the reason for wanting to improve my technique is being able to communicate authentically with my imagination and creativity as much as possible. Improving technical skills allows artists to have fewer limitations on what they can create. However, there is a fine line between being positively motivated and becoming fueled by negative thoughts, leading to burnout. Sometimes I would lose my way and get stuck in the cycle of self-doubt, but coming back to my core goal helped me restructure my thinking. If you find yourself hyperfocusing on multiple goals, it can prove to be overwhelming. Taking a step back from overloading and re-identifying the core of your motivation can redevelop the excitement to create.

Being consistent with these tactics has helped me build the mental resilience I need to continue my craft. It’s important to remind yourself that you deserve kindness too. Growing and stumbling along the way is simply a part of the human experience. Art is our way of expressing what's meaningful to each of us, and enjoying the process is just as important as the finished product.